If you know us or follow me on social media you’ve seen we welcomed our beautiful blue eyed son into our family at the end of February. The post introducing him is coming but for now this sweet boy is soaking up all our cuddles. While my arms are thanking Jesus for the weight they are holding in the form our our perfect boy my heart can’t help but be consumed with both fullness and brokenness for the week that has just past. Infertility Awareness Week. It’s a week I’ve been apart of for what feels like a long forever. Some years have held more loss and tears, pain and growth, than others but every year has been full of grace and Jesus. Every year God has given me light in the darkness, steadiness in the uncertainty, hope in healing, and promise in tomorrow.
In February of this year, years after our journey began, tomorrow finally came. The most precious 6lbs 15oz my arms have ever held took his first breath.
I’ve never wanted to make infertility my identity although it’s been trying to define me throughout adulthood. I didn’t want it to be apart of my story but I trusted the day would someday come that would make the journey worth it. Every time it tried to break me I whispered to Jesus “help me hold on” because I believe His goodness far exceeds the darkest of my days. The moment my eyes saw Hayden I knew this was it. This was the sweetest reason for the hardest of times. I believed this baby was coming because HE is always on my side.
“… for you do not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” John 13:7
I hold this verse close to me because it literally gives me life. In the moments I wasn’t sure if the pain in my heart would allow me to breath air, this verse gave me another breath. One at a time. Rejoicing in His goodness in both the bad days and the good. Until our tomorrow came.
Infertility made me wish for the miracle I thought I wanted but God knew a miracle worth immeasurably more than I even knew to ask for was waiting for me. He drew me close, even knowing the darkest moments of my days, as we waited together. Hayden was coming and he is so worth every mile walked in these shoes. 🌿