Happy Birthday Mama… Heaven is Celebrating!

Happy Happy Birthday to my sweet Mama-Bear! I can see your smiley face lighting up the streets of Heaven. I can’t believe this is your second birthday celebrating with Jesus. Last year seemed like a blur… Still filled with adrenaline or something and this year my heart aches to celebrate you in person, to hug you, and to go get our nails done.
Some of your sweet friends at your last birthday party here in 2013.
I love this picture of us.
I think when people say the first year is the worst, they haven’t lived through the second year; for me, it has been worse. Maybe because we’ve had so many changes, beautiful moments like our wedding, and extremely tough and emotional challenges that I’d love to talk to you about. Or maybe it’s just because I’m reminded everyday that life has to go on. I have a husband that needs me, dogs that require my attention, a home to attend to, and a load of other things that need to be done. (Plus my eye doctor that I’ve had a crush on for the last 5 years said if I can’t cry anymore because I’m ruining my contacts too early in the month and it’s hurting my eyes… jeeze.)
Our last mother-daughter party in 2012.

You always had a smile that could light up a room.

My favorite picture of you!

I wish we could grab lunch again, I could call you 72 times a day again, and we could pray though some big moments together but for now I have to settle with the fact that you left me with a strong faith, big smile, and happy heart. Besides, as that country song goes… It would only leave me wishing for one more day with you.
I was always nervous for when the day came that I would move out and you’d be living alone, but I guess I should have spent that time worrying for myself of how I’d make it though all these moments with out my best friend to talk to, pray with, and be loved by.

Today, I am choosing to spend my day getting my nails done (as you would have), brining you flowers, and spending time with a sweet friend and her new baby. You’d love her baby… I even bought her a wiener dog shirt from Nordy’s. I know you’d tell me to be happy… and I am.

You were so sick, yet so happy. Your joy never faded. Ever.
Sometimes I look at our little puppy and think you sent her down to me because she has my attitude and you always told me I’d get a kid like myself one day. Stubborn, sometimes a dork, loving, cuddly, and not a morning person… she hits all those notes! Ryan says she’s definitely my baby and she’s so clingy to me just like I always was to you.
We brought Molly to meet you when your stone arrived. It turned out beautiful and I think you would have loved it!

I know you are where you couldn’t wait to be! Walking on the streets of gold and meeting with your Savior face to face. I can still hear your laugh and see your smile. Our home is touched with so many elements of you and that is such a comfort to me. I hope to be a mama like you. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why God took you home when He did but I don’t think I was made to understand and I’ve spent the last (almost) 2 years trying to accept that fact. It hasn’t been easy but I’m learning that I just don’t have much a choice. You aren’t in pain anymore and wishing you to be here is just selfish. I can’t wait to see you again and know I’ll just have to look for the most tropical looking home in Heaven to find you when I get there.

I can’t imagine those people that feel loss like this and don’t have the faith to know they’ll see their loved one again. It’s unfathomable. Thank you for showing me that faith. Thank you for loving me even through the moments I didn’t deserve your love. Thank you for being my mama, moo cow, mama bear, and best friend for all those years. It wasn’t enough time in my book but the time we had was full and my heart clings to those moments and memories.
I love you Moo!

Love your Bunchie.

Always on my mind. Forever in my heart.
I love you, I need you, I adore you, and I want you.

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